Oftentimes I feel like I don't really know about His love. I truly want God's love flowing in me and through me, but I feel as if I don't have it fully in my heart.
In 1 John 4 it says "There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love."
To quote Foreigner, "I want to know what love is, I want You to show me. I want to feel what love is, I know You can show me." I started learning that on the guitar... God definitely shows me love in my life. My family still loves me (from afar, but they do) and my husband loves me, and I know the Source of Love is the One who is Love=) I am thankful for this.
Thank You Abba for showing me love, could we take it to the next level. Heal my heart so I can feel and receive Your love just You straight to me. You are good, and I want to believe that with all my heart.
doubt and unbelief go in Jesus' name!
I know believing is a spiritual thing. And reasoning and Holy Spirit aren't necessarily synonymous. I have seen so much and seen answers to many prayers, my goodness. Thank You Lord!!! For Real.
Little Testimony time for the reader: I was saved ( I dedicated my life to Jesus and asked Him to live inside of me) and baptized (fully dunked in water symbolizing the death, burial and resurrection of Jesus and professing my faith to the congregation) when I was 10 years old. I know (now) God accepted me into His family at this point, I just didn't feel any different. So I thought He didn't accept my offer if you will.
So even though I still attended church (different than I was baptized in) I never felt the reality of God, was tormented with depression, anger, doubt, and fear (among other things). I was told that there was a "personal relationship with Jesus Christ". Boy, did I want that! I just didn't seem to really see anyone talk about that relationship from a personal level. Yes, we sang songs in church, I was much too distracted on the actual songs to focus on God though. And I didn't know how to do that. I heard much talk about God, and some to God, but I never heard anybody talking about what the LORD told them. So from 11 yrs old to 14ish I was not in a good state mentally and depression was much more real to me than the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob.
I kind of gave up on the personal relationship because all my crying out to God in my times of mental torment didn't really seem to avail any answers from El Shaddai (name of God meaning God Almighty).
Then my precious friend Monique opened up her bible en la clase de español in high school. Now I know God sent her to me, but at the time I was really looking for a personal alone time answer from Him. Something was different about her. It was like she knew God was real, I mean for real. So she began leading a Bible study, she has an amazing gift of teaching, and I was inspired to actually start reading the Bible again. She did this for about 2 years of High School and really kept me seeking the LORD. I still didn't know how I could have a personal relationship with God where I could hear Him talking. Now, keep in mind I am expecting that how God speaks is this voice that sounds like a deep male voice inside my head clearly apart from anything else in my head.
So when I graduated from HS ( in Tampa, FL) I was still very insecure about the reality of God and having a relationship with Him. But only known to myself. Everyone else believed me a very stable and believing Christian. (In reality of God in Christ that was who I was, but I was also tormented by fear and doubt and unbelief still in the quiet times)... To be continued at some point...
In 1 John 4 it says "There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love."
To quote Foreigner, "I want to know what love is, I want You to show me. I want to feel what love is, I know You can show me." I started learning that on the guitar... God definitely shows me love in my life. My family still loves me (from afar, but they do) and my husband loves me, and I know the Source of Love is the One who is Love=) I am thankful for this.
Thank You Abba for showing me love, could we take it to the next level. Heal my heart so I can feel and receive Your love just You straight to me. You are good, and I want to believe that with all my heart.
doubt and unbelief go in Jesus' name!
I know believing is a spiritual thing. And reasoning and Holy Spirit aren't necessarily synonymous. I have seen so much and seen answers to many prayers, my goodness. Thank You Lord!!! For Real.
Little Testimony time for the reader: I was saved ( I dedicated my life to Jesus and asked Him to live inside of me) and baptized (fully dunked in water symbolizing the death, burial and resurrection of Jesus and professing my faith to the congregation) when I was 10 years old. I know (now) God accepted me into His family at this point, I just didn't feel any different. So I thought He didn't accept my offer if you will.
So even though I still attended church (different than I was baptized in) I never felt the reality of God, was tormented with depression, anger, doubt, and fear (among other things). I was told that there was a "personal relationship with Jesus Christ". Boy, did I want that! I just didn't seem to really see anyone talk about that relationship from a personal level. Yes, we sang songs in church, I was much too distracted on the actual songs to focus on God though. And I didn't know how to do that. I heard much talk about God, and some to God, but I never heard anybody talking about what the LORD told them. So from 11 yrs old to 14ish I was not in a good state mentally and depression was much more real to me than the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob.
I kind of gave up on the personal relationship because all my crying out to God in my times of mental torment didn't really seem to avail any answers from El Shaddai (name of God meaning God Almighty).
Then my precious friend Monique opened up her bible en la clase de español in high school. Now I know God sent her to me, but at the time I was really looking for a personal alone time answer from Him. Something was different about her. It was like she knew God was real, I mean for real. So she began leading a Bible study, she has an amazing gift of teaching, and I was inspired to actually start reading the Bible again. She did this for about 2 years of High School and really kept me seeking the LORD. I still didn't know how I could have a personal relationship with God where I could hear Him talking. Now, keep in mind I am expecting that how God speaks is this voice that sounds like a deep male voice inside my head clearly apart from anything else in my head.
So when I graduated from HS ( in Tampa, FL) I was still very insecure about the reality of God and having a relationship with Him. But only known to myself. Everyone else believed me a very stable and believing Christian. (In reality of God in Christ that was who I was, but I was also tormented by fear and doubt and unbelief still in the quiet times)... To be continued at some point...
