Friday, April 8, 2011

Our Story Part III -first date and the Christmas Party

...but, I convinced myself to start walking down the stairs. I smiled cheerfully, hoping he didn't feel my mixed feelings, and gave him a hug. We got in my car and headed to Best China.
The 2 things I noted from this date, my first official date of my life (excluding school dances), was that Bren ministered to the waiter before I did, and he prayed that the Lord would give me the desires of my heart. Of course I was thinking, and you think that's you buddy boy, don't you...=)
We came home and I flipped out and emotionally told my roommates I knew who my husband was and I cried from distress. It doesn't really make a lot of sense friends, but that is the thing about fear, it usually isn't in line with reason.
We continued hanging out weekly, but didn't have anymore official dates the next couple weeks. Then the Morningstar Staff Christmas Party rolls around. Bren had recently become staff for this ministry but I was hoping he was not going to be there since he wasn't terribly social. I asked a friend of mine to take me as his "date" so I could go and dance. I love to dance. =) And he said sure, and picked me and my roommate D.B. up to go.
We arrive and behold, Bren is there. He comes over to me smiling and excited saying, "I didn't know you were staff."
I said, "Oh, I'm not, I just came as [so - in so]'s date" - I said "date" as I physically made the quotations signal... That didn't seem to help. I could' ve just punched him in the gut and it would have been better. Oh, his face showed such hurt=(
Now, dear reader, keep in mind that I knew it was the wrong thing to do to ask my friend to take me. Inherently I do not think it is wrong to take friends out as a date, but I knew when I asked my friend it was not the right thing to do...

Bren went back to his seat and I went to mine. I confided in a leader at my table and his wife and told them I did a bad thing and he told me to calm down and it wasn't that big a deal.
I glanced back to see Bren... he was gone.
Oh, no... I tried to push it out of my head, said a little prayer for him and "participated" in the games.
About 30 minutes later I got a tap on my shoulder, it was him! I smiled, as if everything was right as rain (Oh drama person that I am), hello=)
"Could we talk outside for a minute?" -Bren
I agreed and went outside.
He then asked me if I disliked him, but using a much stronger word.
I felt so bad, "No, no, I don't dislike you. It's just that my whole life if a man liked me or pursued me I would run, or avoid, or push away until they changed their mind. It isn't as much you as it is you being a man that likes me that is the problem..."
We were out there for probably another hour and a half and essentially he told me he loved me. Yes, dear friends, he said, "I love you"! After being on 1 date with me! But I had a peace inside of me, Holy Spirit telling me everything was going to be alright during the whole thing. Bren said he hadn't changed his mind about pursuing me, I told him I felt the Holy Spirit leading me to him, but did NOT have the feelings to go with it. He said that was fine...!?
I went back inside and he went home. I went to my guy friend and D.B. crying because I had hurt Bren, and he said it would be fine. We went home and I kept crying because I wanted to face my fears, but it was so hard. I went inside with D.B. and cried some more because I knew who my husband was.
As I was going to sleep I complained to the Lord: he is just doing this because You told him to! He doesn't even think I'm pretty or beautiful, he didn't say a word about it on our first date...! Read Part IV
Read Part I

No comments:

Post a Comment