For example: With my friends in middle school and high school I would make a suggestion in such a way to make them feel bad (guilty) if they did not comply with what I wanted. I'm not necessarily talking about "bad" things.
Me: Hey you want to come over Friday?
Friend: Uh, I'm not sure, I told so and so I would come over this weekend and I don't know if my parents would let me do both.
Me: Aw, come on, we would have a lot of fun. (manipulation, my friends, we can call it like it is) Don't you want to spend time with me?
[what is the fruit of this question for the "friend"? think about it]
Friend: Of course I do, but I already told so and so that I would hang out with them.
Me: Well, that's ok, I will just ask _______ to come over...
Hurting people, hurt people.
The examples could go on and on... The reality is I did this sort of stuff on a DAILY basis, yuck, Lord deliver us from ALL fear, refection, manipulation, and control.
When I was afraid of being rejected I would say things to get people to feel bad if they didn't do what I wanted. That is manipulation! The other thing I want to shine some light on is the deception that manipulation is loving. It is NOT. What is so marvelous about God is that HE gives us free choice. He loves our worship that is given freely.
2 Cor 5:14-15 For the love of Christ controls us, having concluded this, that one died for all, therefore all died; and He died for all, so that they who live might no longer live for themselves, but for Him who died and rose again on their behalf.
If we are living for Christ, then if people reject us it won't wound our hearts. We can be free, friends. Tell rejection NO!!!! IF I am living for Christ and not myself if someone spits in my face and calls me a bad name, I can look at them through God's lens and see the brokenness and feel only compassion in my heart for them by the power of His Love! That's where I want to be. God help us get there! How do we get there? Seek God, and find out who you are... that's who He has created you to be=)
According to the Collins English dictionary manipulation is: to negotiate, control, or influence (something or someone) cleverly, skilfully, or deviously
So our first step into freedom from these things is to be aware of them in your life. I was not aware that my coercing people to come to my bible study in college was bad. Honestly! I was praised for my ability to get people to do things!!! I did not know it was wrong. It wasn't until my last year of college that I was convicted that what I was doing was manipulation and that it was wrong. (I was in a deliverance class). So I repented, I confessed this to God as a sin and asked Him to heal my heart and cleanse me. Part of the root of why I did it was fear of rejection, I repented for that too. Another part of it was not trusting God. What do I mean?
I was manipulating people to come to Bible Study, because I didn't trust God to lead them there... Whoo buddy! Can you feel the freedom coming?? I recommend a proclamation here, "I trust You God, please show me, Father, what You are doing so I can join You in Your work." The reality is if God is calling you or me to lead a bible study and 1 person comes... AMEN!!!! If 20 people come... AMEN!!!! God's concern isn't numbers, Beloved, it's hearts. Are we trusting Him to do His part. He leads us, and guides us into all truth. Those impressions you get in your heart, those leadings, He talks to you, Beloved.
So now I have repented (and I just repented today for this too 6 years later), asked for cleansing, and I am on the lookout for these nasty things. Wow, they were everywhere!!!! Yucky manipulation came out of my mouth every day, I had to keep repenting and turning to God for mercy... But you know what, I started proclaiming that I was accepted and loved by God, so when I perceived I was being rejected, I took that thought captive to the obedience of Jesus Christ! By golly things began to change, and those pesky thoughts of rejection stopped coming around so heavily. Whoo hoo!
Romans 15: 7- Therefore, accept one another, just as Christ also accepted us to the glory of God.
His acceptance is worth more than anyone else's, and Beloved, you have it, the glory of God=)
Rejoice that your name is written in the book of life (if it is written there, you need Jesus to have it).
So, be free, and let others be free to make choices of their own free will, no "strings" or guilt attached.
I pray as you read this that Holy Spirit will bring more revelation in Jesus' wonderful name.
P.S. We are all moved and stuff!!! Hurray and thank you to all the helpers, I'll post pictures once we have the house in order, ha ha=)