Kids are a Blessing

No folks, I have not yet been blessed with children. However, I have and do spend A LOT of time with these beautiful treasures that will shape the future of the Earth.

That being said, if you have read more than one entry of my blog, I'm pretty sure you have figured out that I find words pretty important. I take care by God's grace to speak life giving things from my mouth, things that will encourage, uplift and edify people. I repent when I say things that do not align with God's heart and move forward into love.

I had a dear friend ask advice for their darling little girl that isn't quite 2. She is in the phase of exploration of boundaries. This little one has discovered that she has a will, as all of us do, and choices to make. Right now she is choosing to disobey sometimes and obey sometimes. I'm not going to go into child-rearing philosophy but suggest Danny Silk's Loving Our Kids on Purpose book for that. (SO GOOD - I want to read it every year)


I do however want to offering a little spoken word of advice. Let us declare over our children their destinies, who God has called them to be. The Lord wants to give you insight into each of your children. They are so unique and just like God has a beautiful plan for your life, He has a plan for theirs too.

Please pray and seek the Lord, read the Bible, find the blessings and speak them over yourselves, your spouses, your kids, listen to Abba.

Here is a short little Blessing I put together, but I encourage you to seek out more. But start somewhere. The more you get used to speaking blessings, the more natural it becomes, and things will shift in the natural. It is wonderful to pray for your children, and let us ADD blessing them too.

Thanks for reading! Have a blessed day.

Our Story: Part 7 Proposal

Don't know what is going on? Start with Part 1

This next section of courtship was full of confusion, I had lots of peace and knew that Bren was it. But then he started to have lots of doubts and in the way he normally hears from God was being told I was not the one to marry. This made for some interesting times.

 ---> Sidenote: If you are dealing with lots of confusion read Overcoming Confusion by Rick Joyner. It will help a lot.

But now I had so much peace, I just told him not to worry. At this point neither of us used the word marry because I was trying really hard not to lead. This can be difficult at times. But is was important for our relationship that he lead the steps. My job was to lean into the Lord and remain in shalom. We did stay together and he worked through the confusion and was waiting on an angelic sign before proposing... =) He didn't exactly get as bright a sign as he was hoping for, but he did come to the conclusion it was very important to God that he, Bren, chose me. Important for me to, you know love can be a feeling, a beautiful one. But mostly love is a chose. I chose love or I don't. This is a daily choice. Even now in our marriage 5 years later I'm very aware of the times I am choosing love or not. It is a fruit of the Holy Spirit that we agree with or not. Lord help us agree with love.
Anyhow, so around the time of March a Conference was happening at Morningstar. In the morning I was with Bren in an office of people and the girl made a joke and then said, "As long as you invite me to the wedding." I froze and Bren was behind me, so I couldn't see his face and uttered not a peep waiting for his commentary. Then she said, "Oh no, did I say something wrong?" Finally Bren spoke up and said, "You are fine don't worry about it."
Remember dear reader we have not spoken about marriage or engagement at this point because I'm not leading, lol.

About an hour or so later we were downstairs and Bren introduced me to a friend, as his girlfriend, from the Caribbean. And he said, "Oh she is your wife?" And I said, "I'm his girlfriend."


(I am making no comments and we are not discussing them)

Later that day we were sitting on a couch in the lobby and a guy walked by and said, " Hi Bren, Hi Bren's girl. " I said, "Amber Joy. " (A little on the sarcastic side, like I have a name=/  ) Then he stopped and looking confused said, "You're his wife?"  I said, "No, I'm his girlfriend". To which he shrugged and kept going. (A week later we saw him and he said he heard me say I'm his wife with extreme clarity...)




The next day I told my Mom that he was going to propose before we ever talked about it and how on all these shows people act so surprised even though they already knew. I wanted the element of surprise.

The next evening I was working on fundraiser things and Bren came to help after we put together a bunk bed for some friends. We were on the couch and I finally said, "So what did you think about Thursday?" (The day where people indicated we were getting married mentioned above) To which he replied, " The conference was great." (Ok, ok wise guy ) I didn't say anything else and kept punching away at the computer.
Finally he sat up and said, "You know the first time I met you I wanted to marry you. " (Heart leaping, he had never said "marry" to me ) "So, will you marry Him (meaning God) and me?" He took of his promise ring to God that he had worn 10 years and held it out to me. I said, " Yes." And I happily wore the ring on my thumb til I got a different engagement ring.  He wasn't expecting to propose that night and I wasn't expecting to be proposed to.
Very happy lady I was, but I couldn't tell anybody because he wanted to ask my Dad's permission before it was official, which he did the next day. Whoops! And Daddy said yes of course!

We got married about 4 months later. Yes, there was lots of eventful things and lessons following, but I think this is where I'm ending the Our Story series=) Thanks for reading!



Part 1

Deeper Healing from Offense

I already made a blogpost about offense... "Beware of a Fence Between you and Heaven".
This morning I looked up some sermons by Katie Souza and she took what I said a step further.

Recognizing that taking up an offense is a sin, then repenting for it and forgiving the person that hurt you, or the one you love. This acknowledges Jesus' work on the cross, becoming sin so that we might become the righteousness of God in Christ. Applying His blood over our sin, and releasing others to Shophet (Name of God meaning Just Judge) for Judgement.

Second Step (from Katie Souza) is to apply the Resurrection of Jesus Christ through the Dynamis Power of Holy Spirit to the part of your soul that was wounded from the offense.  Besides strength and power, Dynamis also means "moral power or excellence of soul". We have been given the power, now we apply it in Jesus' name to our soul.

What completion, she was talking about people that get sick over and over could consider going before the Lord and asking if there is an offense. Repenting if there is and applying the Blood of Jesus, and the Dynamis Power to our wounded soul to be healed.

I was recently hurt deeply by a friend and took up an offense, for 2 days I held onto the bitterness and I got a sore throat didn't start relinquishing until today. This morning is when I realized the connection and repented. I feel on the mend, but I want to grow and be aware to walk in love at all times by the Dynamis of Holy Spirit. Abba, help us walk in love and confess quickly.

Our Story Part 6 - Du dun duuuuuun to =)

Read Part 1

So we are an "established" couple at this point.. The lessons included in this section of our story have a lot to do with idealism...

According to the Webster Dictionary idealism is the attitude of a person who believes that it is possible to live according to very high standards of behavior and honesty

There is great nobility in this as it would seem. I am going to tweak the definition a little to say that idealism is having an ideal picture and wanting the surrounding people and things to fit to that picture.
Which usually creates disappointment...

Now that was a set up for something isn't it. Now for the vulnerability part of the program. =)
My beloved, Bren, has never (aside from his beautiful Mother) kissed anyone else but me. Wow!
In the beginning of January of 2009 we were having a "discussion" (keep in mind that our relationship was quite emotionally accelerated than others may have experienced) until wee hours of the morning around the fact that he had never kissed anyone, and thus had a perspective that whoever God was going to put him with would be in that same boat.
Much to his dismay, I was not in that boat. By the grace of God I had never gone "all the way", but I had kissed more than one a young man, even though I never had an official "boyfriend". Dismay was definitely present.
My beloved has a shock to his system and the result was fear. He exercised self-control his entire life leading to this point of age 26, while I had not. I had repented (confessed to God and turned from these things) and because of the blood of Jesus (so thankful) I was clean. I was pure, holy in God's sight, because of His Son. Wow, having a moment here. So grateful my Beloved and Gracious Father, truly. To have the clearing of conscious that I have experienced is one of the greatest miracles I am so excited about.
I am also thankful that my beloved, Bren, with God's grace did stay physically pure as well. I am grateful as is he.
Fear... False Evidence Appearing Real... As a result of this fear my dear, dear beloved gave me some rules... No leaning on him, no hugging friends that are guys, etc... I said, " I feel like you are saying prove to me that you are pure." To which he said, " No, I am just asking you to do this for me for a little while."
No fun. No fun at all.
I left very late/early found my roommate D.B. and prayed then and got up in a couple hours to drive to the MStar Church in Winston-Salem. Quite tired and picturing myself as a bird in a cage. "Is this what you have called me to Lord?"

One thing I enjoy now about MStar, but took some getting used to is that they emphasize writing new songs and sing them at Church. So the songs I was used to singing during services from my Baptist/Presbyterian/Community/Methodist Background are usually not heard. (I truly enjoy this now, if I want to hear those songs I worship with youtube...=) I say this because that day D.O. sang an old song that I learned at the Presbyterian Church. "Lord prepare me, to be a sanctuary, pure and holy, tried and true... with Thanksgiving, I'll be a living, sanctuary for you."
Wow! Thanks Abba! Would you please let Bren know that I am pure and holy with You????!!!!

I drove back down and went to our home group. I sat on the couch and Bren sat next to me... leg touching leg... I gave him a face that you don't want to see and moved away... He moved closer... I looked at him mad/confused and moved away. He said, "Can we talk?" I said, "Sure! (annoyed)
As soon as we got outside:
"I am so sorry" - Bren
"What for?" - me
"God showed me, you are pure and holy, I reacted from fear, and I am so sorry."
"What about the leaning?"
"I like leaning"
"??????????" ...

Wow, my beloved is so humble and wonderful. Within 24 hours God fixed it, I gave it to Him and Bren sought the Lord about the matter. And He answered. Bren is so very teachable and God is so very good.

It is really hard when we have a picture in our head of what something is going to be like... And then it doesn't turn out that way. I have seen a lot of bad fruit in my own life when I have had an "ideal" picture in my head that did not come from the Lord. Bren, gratefully, gave up his picture and got God's perspective that even though I had not remained physically pure in his sight, the blood of Jesus has washed me clean and made me new.


And Bren and I move on to the next chapter of praying together, getting to know each other and learning to love unconditionally...

Our Story Part 5 - Christmas

Read Our Story Part 1

Yes, I would like to live free from fear.
"Perfect love casts out fear." If I want to walk in the perfect love of God, I cannot walk in fear. Fear of man, fear of failure, fear of death, fear of being loved... So I repented something like this.

God, I am so sorry for yielding to the fear of being loved, for agreeing with fear. I ask for Your forgiveness and I claim remission of sin. Thank You for sending anything away that came from my agreement in Jesus' name.

Within the next couple days I started to love Bren from my heart. He looked more attractive to me and I wanted to be with him and around him more and more. And my knowing that he was going to be my husband after the first date became a joy, instead of something to cry in despair about.

Then I decided to ask Bren to come home with me for Christmas;) (Thus meeting my wonderful familia).
He said yes and we drove down with my friend Z.I. who we dropped off in Orlando. Bren and I started holding hands on the way down and when we hit Lakeland, where I was planning to drop by and see my Daddy I asked Bren... "So, how should I introduce you to my family?" At this point there was no established relationship "status".
He responded that he didn't like labels. So, I pulled my hand back over to my side and essentially I said this is my friend Bren... Hmmph;)

At my Uncle's for Christmas.

My family received him warmly with winks and such. But that's ok... Bren was concerned that there would be pressure towards marriage if "boyfriend" was used. We had a good Christmas and my family was very loving. Bren was a little on the nervous side and kinda quiet, but that is understandable. It can be hard to be ourselves when you know you are being "observed".;) Until we are fully free in the Lord=) At this point I was trying really hard to allow Bren to be the pursuer and to be pursued. Meaning I don't take the lead. This can be difficult for me, anyone who has taking Ballroom with me knows that I prefer to lead and teach. But it is so important, especially with the Lord, to learn to be a good follower as well. A good leader can follow.

Christmas Eve at Mom and Dad's

When we returned to SC we hung out some more with people and had good conversations and such, and on Dec. 29th he had been initiating the "holding of hands" more so I finally asked, "So am I your girlfriend?" He said, " I certainly hope so."
"Well, you were supposed to ask me..."
"Oh, I didn't know. Will you be my girlfriend?"
"Yes, I will." ::Smile smile::
Now,  you may consider this leading... but he asked the question;) Lol.


But pretty soon, the most intense conversation I had had to that point in my life occurred, and it has some great life lessons...

Part 6

Our Story Part IV - December continues

Read Part I

... When I was at my internship at CSCL the following day, I felt the gentle nudging of God to go down to Bren's office. (It is down the hall=/ ) I responded, "But I told him I would take a few days to think about things..."
Nudge Nudge
I began to slowly walk down the hallway and mustered up all the courage I had to knock on the door, which immediately flew open (as if he was waiting for me - this part of the story will be in Bren's version).
"hello"
"hello" ::I am looking down and NOT in his eyeballs::
"how's it going"
"good"
"you"
"good"
Then he looked at me with such sincerity as he said, " You are so beautiful."
A flood of heat went from my head to my toe as I responded in a deflecting tone, "Thanks, well God made me"
"But it is true."
"Well, thanks..."
Insert awkward spray and I left shortly.
My complaint (the night before) to God had been that Bren did not think I was beautiful... And Bren responded the following day. Pretty interesting, pretty interesting...

Ice Skating in Uptown Charlotte

A few days later Bren and  I went ice skating with friends and after I dropped him off I was quite frustrated. I had been embarrassed the whole evening because he was being so kind to me. He bought me water, gave me skating tips, made sure I was alright, walked beside me ... and I didn't feel any happy giggly bubbly emotions towards him whatsoever. I said to God, " I don't think it is fair to Bren or to me that you would lead me to date someone and not give me any feelings to go with it."
I received a thought to turn on the radio... and what song is playing? A song that has NEVER made sense to me before but explained my current situation perfectly!

He's Everything you Want by Vertical Horizon... I'm posting the lyrics that were relevant to me...

He's everything you want

He's everything you need

He's everything inside of you

That you wish you could be

He says all the right things

At exactly the right time

But he means nothing to you

And you don't know why 

You're waiting for someone

To put you together

You're waiting for someone to push you away

There's always another wound to discover

There's always something more you wish he'd say 

[Chorus]

But you'll just sit tight

And watch it unwind

It's only what you're asking for

And you'll be just fine

With all of your time

It's only what you're waiting for 

Wow! I was amazed and decided to trust that God knew what he was doing=)

A few days later I was at a Home Group reunion when I ever so triumphantly mentioned to the leaders that I had been on my first date! Ha! How 'bout them apples? ;)
The Husband asked with who and I told him, not ever thinking that he would know who he was... To which C.A. said, " Bren Eifler?! You are going to have a ring on your finger in 3 months. He will be faithful to you and treasure you and ..." - he proceed to list kind things a fella might do for a gal as I began to yell stop it! stop it! stop it! and burst into tears.
C.A. hugged me while chuckling. Issues, man, issues.
I relayed this HG Reunion experience to J.G. and he said, "Why did you react like that?"
"I don't know"
Then privately asked the hard question, "Why did I react like that?"
fear of being loved
Oh... Hhhhmmmm and It started bringing me a lot of clarity as I looked back on the past few years. Why I felt so numb, so unloved... because I was not allowing people to love me truly, not allowing God to love me. It was a form of self-protection or self-preservation and in that moment I has a choice to make...
Was I willing to get rid of this fear?

Read Part 5
Read Part I

Scriptures/Prayers for my Husband

I picked this piece of paper up in 2005 and started praying these things for my future husband and over myself. Although I don't believe I have "done my husband only good" I do believe I am being transformed from glory to glory and that it will happen by God's grace and my agreement. Be free to pray if you are single or married. For any new readers - I ended up meeting my Beloved in 2008 and we have been married 3 1/2 years at the point of this blog. And he is more than I prayed for.

Who is after your soul?

Paul Keith Davis said, "The sin of self-pity is one of the most devastating enemies of our soul, although not as seemingly apparent as lust, greed, or addictions. It will lead to many issues of the soul that will steal our destiny and keep us from the high calling of God."

I have been witnessing in myself and all around me this evil thing: self-pity. God help us. How do we recognize it?
How come they get ___________ and not me? Fill in the blank with an object, a person, a revelation...
Everytime I focus on what I don't have... I make room for lack.

I repent for listening to self pity, I repent for NOT taking my thoughts captive to the obedience of Jesus Christ. I repent for catering to self-pity.
Self -pity requires looking at ourselves. If I want to change, and oh boy! do I want to change! The bible says in 2 Corinthians 3 16but whenever a person turns to the Lord, the veil is taken away. 17Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is liberty.18But we all, with unveiled face, beholding as in a mirror the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from glory to glory, just as from the Lord, the Spirit.
To get these veils that do not have a clear perception of Father God, Jesus and/or Holy Spirit, I need to turn and look at Him. 
Read about Jesus through the lens of love in the Bible, meditate on Jesus, picture Him in Your mind. Focus on Jesus. When we do this our veils are "taken away"!! Yippee i o ki ay! We change!

I was in worship one day and I had an inner vision of the back of Jesus after He was ripped by the cat o nine tails. It was barely acknowledge-able as a back. And I asked the Lord, "Why is the blood of Jesus so powerful?" The verse "Greater love has no one than this: that a man lay down his life for his friends" came to me. I thought, "So, the blood of Jesus represents the ultimate love." When I plead the blood of Jesus I am in a sense pleading love, true love over them.

There was more to the vision that I may share at another point. However, after this I saw Heaven's perspective a little more. One more layer off... God help us see through Your perspective in Jesus' name and deliver us from self-pity. 
Love lens, help me see through it.