Sunday, January 30, 2011

Chain Letters and such...

I am not against Chain Letters.
However, I am standing firm against condemnation, manipulation and control.
If an e-mail you receive has a beautiful message and ends with something like this...

Do you have the courage to send this forward? If you do not stand up for Jesus, he won't stand up for you... etc...
If you don't send this to XYZ amount of people then you will be harmed or cursed.

Please delete the statements whose fruit are not of God, and go ahead and send the beautiful message if YOU WANT TO.
Jesus did not come to condemn the world, but to save it.

But the wisdom that is from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, [and] easy to be intreated, full of mercy and good fruits, without partiality, and without hypocrisy.- James 3:17

I understand and recognize that control and manipulation are still used by us all over. The root is usually fear. This kind of fear is a sin, let us Beloved, call it like it is, repent and move forward.
To quote Meet the Robinsons, "Keep Moving Forward." Don't let sin hold you down and don't let people hold you to your sin, for that is a sin. Forgive those who have wrongly judged you, the reality is we do this a lot, with God's grace we will see clearly. God help us to see each other with Your eyes in Jesus' name.

I used to be one of the most manipulative people I have ever met, and I tell you, I thought I was doing the right thing. I would coerce people to go to my bible study or Church, or meetings. I would say things so that if the person did not do what I said then they would feel bad about it. This is not Godly, I thought it was. My picture of who God really is, was not accurate. It is not wrong by any means to ask someone to go to Bible Study or Church, but when we do it, let us do it with gentleness, giving the person FULL freedom to say "no" if they don't want to go. With no condemnation. The conviction of Holy Spirit brings Godly sorrow and repentance followed by hope and peace!!!!! Not shame!! THE YUCKY SHAME FEELING IS NOT FROM GOD... Thank You Jesus.

If there is anyone that I have used control or manipulation over, reading this, I am truly sorry. So sorry. I was very insecure of God's love and thought I had to strive to obtain His love. Please, forgive me, and release me to God. I repent for ever making you feel shame for not doing what I was telling you to do, even if it was in a playful manor, it was not in a right spirit. I love you, truly. Be free, Beloved of God. I pray for all those whom I have hurt that they would come to know You more intimately Abba, that veils would come off eyes that we can see You clearly. May we have the knowledge of the glory of God, in Jesus' name.
And I also pray for your healing from any wounds in Jesus' name.

P.S. No shame to anyone who has written these chain letters or passed them on... Just repent and MOVE FORWARD! I am one who has done this too. In this instance knowledge is power... power to truly love, and "forward" love.

Note: I am not saying one shouldn't stand up for Jesus, I am saying we can do it without operating in condemnation on others.

Saturday, January 22, 2011

Our Story Part II

So, back in SC Bren would come to my mind on occasion, and I would simply ask," Father, minister to his needs." And think no more...
I saw glances of him about 3 times, once at N.D.'s home-group (church in someone's home) and twice at church and I would just place my hand on his head as I walked by (he was praying, pretty much every time I saw him, sitting on the floor).
Now it is 11/11/2008 and I was heating up my lunch, on break from MSM, I turned from the microwave in the Cafe and saw Bren over where they sell tickets at Conferences (about 55 ft away). I exclaimed, "Bren" and ran across the cafe to give him a good ole-fashioned Grandy (my grandpa) bear hug. When I pulled back he looked quite stunned and giddy... I said, " Are you feeling the love of the Lord?"
He kinda laughed and nodded in a goofy way. I said, " Well, more Lord, you want some food?" I had leftovers available, and Bren took a few minutes to recover (by the way, when I hugged him he felt a powerful warm love, that filled him joy and it immobilized and vibrated him like an electrical current from head to toe- he has "a hard time describing these wonderful things").=)
----By the way, God has told Bren in the middle of October that he would know for sure who his wife would be on 11/11 and that she would come to him. ---
We discussed how we hadn't seen a mutual friend J.Y. in a while and I said we should all get together sometime. Bren called a day or 2 later and I asked if he wanted to come over for dinner b/c J.Y. was going to come over. While on the phone my flat mate G.M. says, "And tell him that Tuesday is now an official day to bring chocolate over. I relayed this to Bren, who laughed, and I said, "She's just kidding." At the same time Bren says, "No she's not." As G.M. says, "No I'm not." And he told me that the Lord had told him to bring chocolate over already. I thought that was great, I love to see how God speaks to people.
So Bren comes over with a bag of kisses and hands them to me. I passed them off to G.M., thinking they are for her and eat one. Bren asks if he can have 1, so I threw him 2 kisses and he saved the wrappers=) (Unknown to me, of course, I am quite clueless of him having any interest in me at all!)
---By the way, God told Bren in the end of October while at Bloom(grocery store) to buy a bag of candy. He knew this meant he would see his sweet soon. He had been fasting sweets for a long time for his sweet=)
So when Bren ate the 2 kisses I threw him, it was his first candy in a long time=)
We had a nice dinner and I sang a blessing over him and J.Y. before they left and very soon I got another phone call from Bren, and then another=)
We start hanging out at the Shalom home (I lived with 7 other MSU girls in a lovely home in Regent Park). One day he in November he was showing me pictures from his Summer of Love tour (He was at the Call on 07/07/2007 - as was I=) And he asked me if Morningstar had a dating policy. (Some Christian schools do have one) I told him not really, and they even kinda encouraged dating. 
After someone came in and interrupted our conversation and left again, he leaned over and said that he had no agenda in asking this question. To which I replied, "Oh, ok."
---By the way, when Bren left this evening he wasn't happy with himself and prayed, "God I messed up, can you fix it?" And God said he could;)---

Last single woman Thanksgiving!
Shortly after I went home for Thanksgiving telling my family about the interesting fellow I had been hanging out with. Now do realize that to me, this wasn't necessarily a red flag that he liked me. Other fellas had asked me similar questions(to the dating policy) that in the end were intended for asking out a friend of mine, or simple curiosity. So I did wonder if he liked me, but I didn't know for sure...

I got on skype to chat once or twice while home, but didn't really think about it too much;)

I came back to Morningstar Saturday night and felt Holy Spirit impressing me to call Bren. And I said in my head, "No, I don't want to call him, he might like me." I tried to set up my webcam and failed. Bren is quite the computer savvy person, so I finally called. He answered immediately and said, "I was just about to call you." I thought that was odd, and then he asked if I remembered the conversation concerning the dating policy where he said he had no agenda. I said, "Yes, you said that." And he asked how I perceived that. I said, "Well, I figured you wanted to know Morningstar's dating policy, but had no intentions on pursuing me or asking me out." 
Bren: "Well, I lied and I'm sorry. That's not true."
AJ: "So, are you saying that you did have an agenda and are pursuing me?"
Bren: "Yes."
AJ: "Oh..."
Somehow we ended the conversation. I remained quite calm during the conversation, but as soon as I got off the phone I panicked. Fears started leaping out from within. Fears having to do with commitment, male relationship, intimacy, fear of man, fear of my future and a few more... Ha ha... 
So not wasting any time, the next day after Church Bren saw me in the lobby and asked me if I liked Best China (a restaurant in Regent Park). I said I did and he asked if we could go there that night around 6pm. I said yes and we went our separate ways.
Again, I was quite calm while he was talking to me, but when I went home I panicked again and I wanted to wear a T-Shirt and Jeans with my hair in a pony tail and NO make-up. I did not want to give any impression that I even tried at ALL for this date. (Lots of fears people, lots of fears- oh the evilness) 

But seeing as how this was my first date (besides school dances) in my life, my roommates would have NONE of that. J.H. and D. B. picked out my outfit and did make-up with R. M. and they CURLED MY HAIR!!! I was thinking, sheesh! This is quite an ordeal. Then the time came when the doorbell rang. J.H. and G.M. answered the door excitedly, while I remained upstairs clutching the banister. I did NOT want to go downstairs. Fear was very real and apparent in my body, it was decision time... I had been so afraid of being in a boyfriend/girlfriend type relationship my whole life that I had managed to push STRONGLY away anyone that made any commitment type comments of wanting to be with. When they got over it we could be friends. But there is a prayerful man downstairs waiting for me and I feel stuck in fear...Read Part III

Read Part I

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Oaks of Righteousness

Well, today I was reading these verses that I just love I got a new picture.
Please excuse the drawing, inkscape is hard for me to maneuver, ha ha=) (and the middle plant I found, I didn't draw)
Who among you is wise and understanding?
Let him show by his good behavior, his deeds, in the gentleness of wisdom.
But if you have bitter jealously and selfish ambition in your hearts. Do not be arrogant and so lie against the truth. 
This wisdom is not that which comes down from above, but is earthly, natural, demonic.
For where jealousy and selfish ambition exist, there is disorder and every evil thing.
But the wisdom from heaven is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, reasonable (or willing to yield), full of mercy and good fruits, unwavering, without hypocrisy.
And the seed whose fruit is righteousness is sown in peace by those who make peace.
James 3: 13-18

Take a moment to visualize (well if you are a visual learner- ha ha).[ I have found that I have an EXTREMELY difficult time remembering someone's message if they don't tell a story that I can watch as they speak. It could be one of the most amazing sermons ever, but I remember the ones with a visual context.]
Visualize what it looks like to speak with purity and gentleness and willing to yield. Picture what it is like to speak from bitterness, jealously and selfish ambition. If you have spoken from these things... repent(turn) and move forward into Love. Repentance is one of the greatest gifts we have been given with Jesus! True conviction from Holy Spirit leads to hope and life, if you are feeling condemned for something, that my friends is NOT Jesus, Father God, or Holy Spirit!!!!!!! (Who are One God - Elohim - the plurality of Majesty- who created the world - but different facets). Ok, sorry, tangent=) 
Ha ha, so we are visualizing...
Seriously, take a moment to read the verses again, Holy Spirit will you give us further understanding and revelation about what this means...
Thank You Lord! 

There is a group that begun over a year ago, The Oak Initiative, to awaken the Church and raise up the oaks of righteousness.
They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the LORD for the display of his splendor. Isaiah 61:3 
Could it be, that to be these oaks of righteousness that are being raised up to display the LORD's splendor, we must walk in the principles outlined in James above? My hearts desire, God help me, I need Your grace, is to walk in wisdom from heaven with purity, peace, gentleness... Father, give us revelation, and help us walk in this place in Jesus' name.
Let it be so!(Amen)

Monday, January 17, 2011

Our Story Part I

This is the journey of how I came to be with my loving husband named Bren=)
Like many good stories this one starts with a prophecy.

It was during spring break of my first year(March 2008) at MSM( Morningstar School of Ministry) that I was walking along the beach with my sweet Momma. She says, "I think you are going to meet your husband in the next 6 months, he is going to have a good sense of humor, and be unlike anyone you have ever met. Is that a prophetic word, if it just comes to you like that?"
I said, "Maybe, Momma, we shall see."

I can't really say this was in the forefront of my thinking, I was quite busy at school, and I had already met some high caliber gentlemen at Morningstar, so I figured there was a possibility to meet the guy I have been waiting for=)

6 Months later!!!!!!
In August 2008 met this new first year student J.C. and thought he was pretty awesome! And he had a friend S.D. that wanted to go to the Call in Washington D.C. on 8/14or 16?/2008, so we decided to go up together with my friend L.K. Then my other friend J.Y. said he had a friend named Bren that wanted to go too, so I said,"Sure, that would be great." I was told he would be at MS the next day for Todd Bentley's 8/8/08 meeting, so J.Y. Gave me a brief description of his appearance so I could keep an eye out.

I was very excited on 8/8/08 because there were so many new people to meet (of of course lots of miracles-yea God)!!!! Whoo hoo! Needless to say I didn't see Bren all day(it was kind of like a festival with lots of people). But when it was over I went to talk to J.C. and walked with him to my car in the far back parking lot, and ours are the only 2 left. As we are chatting by the cars a young man walks out from the shadows of the trees. J.C. introduces him to me as Bren. I was super excited since he was going on the trip with us and I gave him a BIG hug and he says I held his face in my hands for a moment when he told me he was planning to be a MSU student(not a typo, the school changed names=). He thought, "Wow she is friendly". And when he got into the car he said to himself, "I want to marry her." And then thought- you don't even know her! And he shut down his heart from thinking those things.
I didn't have ANY sort of sense of indication at this point that this was the person I was going to marry.

We left a couple days later for Washington, DC: J.C., S.D., L.K., Bren and me. Bren was squished in the back between L.K. and me=) He he, ah, so funny. We had a fun time and I noted that Bren was a great listener and quite serious. (Now if you have ever been to a Call- they are quite serious events of prayer- to his credit) I just wasn't in that mode. We visited Alexandria, VA and I loved seeing the Church where George Washington worshiped, such a beautiful town.
What I noted about Bren during this period was his prayerfulness and seriousness. (Note: I am not the most serious person you have ever met...;) The funny thing is that when I met his middle brother W.E. at the Pre-Call. I had this immediate impression that he was my brother. I felt automatic comradeship... and he felt the same! (Thought it had to do with the Body of Christ deal, didn't realize he would actually be my brother=)

I also met Bren's mother (her name is the derivative of my mom's name=) for a NYMinute at the Call and didn't sense anything about her being my future Momma -in-law=) Bren went home with his family to New England and I went back to SC with JC, SD, and LK...

Side Note: Some of you at this point may have picked up and be wondering... if your Mom said he had a good sense of humor, then why is he so serious? - Well, you are just gonna have to wait;)
First pic of just Bren and I- both thinking, "I hope they don't think this means anything.";)
Read Part II

Saturday, January 1, 2011

Another dream

A few nights ago I had another dream that was quite intense and woke myself up yelling and couldn't remember where I was:

I have deleted the dream, someone gave the interpretation and I now feel it is good to take it off... But you can still pray what I have at the bottom if you like=)

I believe the majority of it has to do with intercession. So if any of you want to pray with me for the things following, please read and pray as you agree.
Father, I ask you to heal the hearts of the hurting, soften the hearts of those abusing others and heal them in Jesus' name. We release them to you for judgment Shophet. I thank You Abba for bringing justice to those who have suffered from abuse. Show us how we can join You in bringing righteous judgment to the earth. I pray the Your truth would shine setting the captives free in Jesus' name. I pray for visions and dreams to those that don't yet know You and Your GREAT BIG LOVE!!!!! I love You Lord, help us to see each other with Your lens.
I ask You to raise up people to bring Your protection and to send angels to cover those formally abused with Your feathers, that they may take refuge under Your wings. Show us Your glory in these times Lord! I pray Your perfect love that casts out all fear will infiltrate in the hearts of the hurting. I plead the blood of Jesus over the Muslim women living in abuse, Abba, come and set the captives free in Jesus' name.