Our Story Part 5 - Christmas

Read Our Story Part 1

Yes, I would like to live free from fear.
"Perfect love casts out fear." If I want to walk in the perfect love of God, I cannot walk in fear. Fear of man, fear of failure, fear of death, fear of being loved... So I repented something like this.

God, I am so sorry for yielding to the fear of being loved, for agreeing with fear. I ask for Your forgiveness and I claim remission of sin. Thank You for sending anything away that came from my agreement in Jesus' name.

Within the next couple days I started to love Bren from my heart. He looked more attractive to me and I wanted to be with him and around him more and more. And my knowing that he was going to be my husband after the first date became a joy, instead of something to cry in despair about.

Then I decided to ask Bren to come home with me for Christmas;) (Thus meeting my wonderful familia).
He said yes and we drove down with my friend Z.I. who we dropped off in Orlando. Bren and I started holding hands on the way down and when we hit Lakeland, where I was planning to drop by and see my Daddy I asked Bren... "So, how should I introduce you to my family?" At this point there was no established relationship "status".
He responded that he didn't like labels. So, I pulled my hand back over to my side and essentially I said this is my friend Bren... Hmmph;)

At my Uncle's for Christmas.

My family received him warmly with winks and such. But that's ok... Bren was concerned that there would be pressure towards marriage if "boyfriend" was used. We had a good Christmas and my family was very loving. Bren was a little on the nervous side and kinda quiet, but that is understandable. It can be hard to be ourselves when you know you are being "observed".;) Until we are fully free in the Lord=) At this point I was trying really hard to allow Bren to be the pursuer and to be pursued. Meaning I don't take the lead. This can be difficult for me, anyone who has taking Ballroom with me knows that I prefer to lead and teach. But it is so important, especially with the Lord, to learn to be a good follower as well. A good leader can follow.

Christmas Eve at Mom and Dad's

When we returned to SC we hung out some more with people and had good conversations and such, and on Dec. 29th he had been initiating the "holding of hands" more so I finally asked, "So am I your girlfriend?" He said, " I certainly hope so."
"Well, you were supposed to ask me..."
"Oh, I didn't know. Will you be my girlfriend?"
"Yes, I will." ::Smile smile::
Now,  you may consider this leading... but he asked the question;) Lol.


But pretty soon, the most intense conversation I had had to that point in my life occurred, and it has some great life lessons...

Part 6

Our Story Part IV - December continues

Read Part I

... When I was at my internship at CSCL the following day, I felt the gentle nudging of God to go down to Bren's office. (It is down the hall=/ ) I responded, "But I told him I would take a few days to think about things..."
Nudge Nudge
I began to slowly walk down the hallway and mustered up all the courage I had to knock on the door, which immediately flew open (as if he was waiting for me - this part of the story will be in Bren's version).
"hello"
"hello" ::I am looking down and NOT in his eyeballs::
"how's it going"
"good"
"you"
"good"
Then he looked at me with such sincerity as he said, " You are so beautiful."
A flood of heat went from my head to my toe as I responded in a deflecting tone, "Thanks, well God made me"
"But it is true."
"Well, thanks..."
Insert awkward spray and I left shortly.
My complaint (the night before) to God had been that Bren did not think I was beautiful... And Bren responded the following day. Pretty interesting, pretty interesting...

Ice Skating in Uptown Charlotte

A few days later Bren and  I went ice skating with friends and after I dropped him off I was quite frustrated. I had been embarrassed the whole evening because he was being so kind to me. He bought me water, gave me skating tips, made sure I was alright, walked beside me ... and I didn't feel any happy giggly bubbly emotions towards him whatsoever. I said to God, " I don't think it is fair to Bren or to me that you would lead me to date someone and not give me any feelings to go with it."
I received a thought to turn on the radio... and what song is playing? A song that has NEVER made sense to me before but explained my current situation perfectly!

He's Everything you Want by Vertical Horizon... I'm posting the lyrics that were relevant to me...

He's everything you want

He's everything you need

He's everything inside of you

That you wish you could be

He says all the right things

At exactly the right time

But he means nothing to you

And you don't know why 

You're waiting for someone

To put you together

You're waiting for someone to push you away

There's always another wound to discover

There's always something more you wish he'd say 

[Chorus]

But you'll just sit tight

And watch it unwind

It's only what you're asking for

And you'll be just fine

With all of your time

It's only what you're waiting for 

Wow! I was amazed and decided to trust that God knew what he was doing=)

A few days later I was at a Home Group reunion when I ever so triumphantly mentioned to the leaders that I had been on my first date! Ha! How 'bout them apples? ;)
The Husband asked with who and I told him, not ever thinking that he would know who he was... To which C.A. said, " Bren Eifler?! You are going to have a ring on your finger in 3 months. He will be faithful to you and treasure you and ..." - he proceed to list kind things a fella might do for a gal as I began to yell stop it! stop it! stop it! and burst into tears.
C.A. hugged me while chuckling. Issues, man, issues.
I relayed this HG Reunion experience to J.G. and he said, "Why did you react like that?"
"I don't know"
Then privately asked the hard question, "Why did I react like that?"
fear of being loved
Oh... Hhhhmmmm and It started bringing me a lot of clarity as I looked back on the past few years. Why I felt so numb, so unloved... because I was not allowing people to love me truly, not allowing God to love me. It was a form of self-protection or self-preservation and in that moment I has a choice to make...
Was I willing to get rid of this fear?

Read Part 5
Read Part I

Scriptures/Prayers for my Husband

I picked this piece of paper up in 2005 and started praying these things for my future husband and over myself. Although I don't believe I have "done my husband only good" I do believe I am being transformed from glory to glory and that it will happen by God's grace and my agreement. Be free to pray if you are single or married. For any new readers - I ended up meeting my Beloved in 2008 and we have been married 3 1/2 years at the point of this blog. And he is more than I prayed for.

Who is after your soul?

Paul Keith Davis said, "The sin of self-pity is one of the most devastating enemies of our soul, although not as seemingly apparent as lust, greed, or addictions. It will lead to many issues of the soul that will steal our destiny and keep us from the high calling of God."

I have been witnessing in myself and all around me this evil thing: self-pity. God help us. How do we recognize it?
How come they get ___________ and not me? Fill in the blank with an object, a person, a revelation...
Everytime I focus on what I don't have... I make room for lack.

I repent for listening to self pity, I repent for NOT taking my thoughts captive to the obedience of Jesus Christ. I repent for catering to self-pity.
Self -pity requires looking at ourselves. If I want to change, and oh boy! do I want to change! The bible says in 2 Corinthians 3 16but whenever a person turns to the Lord, the veil is taken away. 17Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is liberty.18But we all, with unveiled face, beholding as in a mirror the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from glory to glory, just as from the Lord, the Spirit.
To get these veils that do not have a clear perception of Father God, Jesus and/or Holy Spirit, I need to turn and look at Him. 
Read about Jesus through the lens of love in the Bible, meditate on Jesus, picture Him in Your mind. Focus on Jesus. When we do this our veils are "taken away"!! Yippee i o ki ay! We change!

I was in worship one day and I had an inner vision of the back of Jesus after He was ripped by the cat o nine tails. It was barely acknowledge-able as a back. And I asked the Lord, "Why is the blood of Jesus so powerful?" The verse "Greater love has no one than this: that a man lay down his life for his friends" came to me. I thought, "So, the blood of Jesus represents the ultimate love." When I plead the blood of Jesus I am in a sense pleading love, true love over them.

There was more to the vision that I may share at another point. However, after this I saw Heaven's perspective a little more. One more layer off... God help us see through Your perspective in Jesus' name and deliver us from self-pity. 
Love lens, help me see through it.

Happenings in my life...

It has been a long time since my last blog... So sorry=) The store keeps me occupied. So today will just be some randomness of happenings:

Kid's Church is Awesome!

• Dr. Suuquiina, a Native American chief who is a Hebrew scholar spoke at my shop and talked about how the Hebrew letters correspond to musical notes. He said you can play the names of God using song! We sang Yahweh e-g-a-g and he started do his native thing and it sounded awesome.
• I am helping with Ages 3-6 at my church, and that has been super fun! Especially when my Beloved is with me=) I love how ages 3-4 don't quite understand questions yet..."So what did we talk about last week?" - [Which automatically to the 3-4 year old mind means I have just given an invitation to share anything that's on their mind] to which, 3 weeks in a row now, the same little boy raises his hand and delightfully declares, "I'm a boy!" - to which I smile and say, "Yes, you are a boy!=)" To which the other young ones pipe up excitedly sharing their gender. Gotta love it!
• I meet so many really awesome people at United Artisans of America. Everyday is different and I am excited for what is coming. Jenny from the Fort Mill Times interviewed me recently and she is super sweet! So grateful for the support I have received. I really have discovered that word of mouth is key! Hurray for the internet and the news. Evidently I was on CN2 news also, but I still haven't been able to find it to watch it. [One of the few moments I wish I had TV;) - I have now lived almost 5 years without TV channels in my dwelling place! Amazing thought considering how much I watched it before!]
• I met this amazing woman, Shelley, who is teaching a BUNCH of kid classes this summer! She is very good with children and art, so tis a great combination;) I'm excited about summertime!

Be prepared with tissues...

http://youtu.be/7y2KsU_dhwI?hd=1
This is not a kid friendly video...

Dedicated to my Grandy

Cheers to my Grandy... a man who stood for Jesus, integrity, considering others above himself, love, kindness, laughter, hug-erugerugers whenever you came in the room, crepes with marshmallows and chocolate chips, tire swings, fishing, games, reading to his children and grandchildren, prayer, church, singing, ladies first (even on the fishing boat!), fixing problems, finding solutions, faith, joy, forgiveness, God, truth, wisdom, family, speaking life, creating, giving, living...
 I am so grateful for... my Grandy...
helping me build a lazy susan for my college class...
making us Grandy Breakfast... yum!
treating me like a princess...
helping me build a mail box for my family...
showing me that love looks like something...
loving his wife so dearly, and talking about her so sweetly...
taking me fishing and giving me the first shrimp, and letting me pick where I wanted to cast from on the boat...
helping me build and cut frames to put canvas over...
asking and giving me so many hugs and kisses...
for showing me what integrity looks like...
I am most grateful and thankful that Grandy led me to receive Jesus as my Lord and Savior when I was 10 years old.
Father, please tell Grandy thanks for me=) So glad he is with You and Jesus!

12/5/1927- 10/6/2011

To see a slide show click here.

Beware of a fence between you and Heaven...

Ok, so the title is a pun=) Oh puns! =) Anyhoo...
The Lord has been impressing upon me these last couple months the importance of repenting for taking an offense, in addition to forgiving people.
I don't know if it has ever happened to you, but I have forgiven someone for something, released them to Jesus for judgment and then still feel pain if the incident comes back to my mind. I started feeling the weight of offense a couple months ago, and so I repented for taking an offense.

Then I went to a prophetic teams meeting at my church and this lovely lady C. M. was talking about something someone had did while she was on teams that really hurt her. She walked through forgiveness, but she was still very hurt whenever she would think of it. And many times when she was trying to enter into God's presence during worship she kept thinking about this person and what they did. Finally, she mentioned it to some leaders and someone asked if she had forgiven the person, and she said yes. And later she had the revelation that she had taken up an offense with this person. So she quickly repented (Father, I repent for taking an offense and I ask for forgiveness). Then she thought there were probably a bunch of people that she had taken an offense with, so she asked the Lord to bring people to her mind and they did! And she repented! And she said she has experienced the greatest open heaven and joy in her life ever since!!! Glory to God, who wants so much for us to know Him intimately!!!

So needless to say, hearing this was very encouraging, because it was exactly what the Lord was taking me through as well!!! Yee haw!
So what is offense?
skandalizō - Greek - Strongs 4624

1) to put a stumbling block or impediment in the way, upon which another may trip and fall, metaph. to offend

a) to entice to sin

b) to cause a person to begin to distrust and desert one whom he ought to trust and obey

  1) to cause to fall away

  2) to be offended in one, i.e. to see in another what I disapprove of and what hinders me from acknowledging his authority

  3) to cause one to judge unfavourably or unjustly of another

c) since one who stumbles or whose foot gets entangled feels annoyed

  1) to cause one displeasure at a thing

  2) to make indignant

  3) to be displeased, indignant

Used:

Matthew 11:6: "And blessed is he who does not take offense⁴⁶²⁴ at Me" - Jesus is speaking

Matthew 17:27: "However, so that we do⁴⁶²⁴ not offend⁴⁶²⁴ them, go to the sea and throw in a hook, and take the first fish that comes up; and when you open its mouth, you will find a shekel. Take that and give it to them for you and Me ." - again Jesus is speaking 

pasha - Hebrew - Strongs 6586

Proverbs 18:19: A brother offended⁶⁵⁸⁶ is harder to be won than a strong city, And contentions are like the bars of a citadel.

One thing I conclude from the definition, is that we don't want to be offended with anyone, especially Jesus, God, Holy Spirit=) I have found that some of the veils spoken of in 2 Corinthians 3:18 are offenses with God, veils that we have where we do not see God as He truly is...

But we all, with unveiled face, beholding as in a mirror the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from glory to glory, just as from the Lord, the Spirit.

When we behold the face of the Lord, we are transformed and veils between us are removed!!! 

Father, I ask for myself and everyone who reads this, that we may encounter You and see Your face. I ask for more interactions with Heaven. I pray off veils and scales in Jesus' name from our eyes, that we can see clearly. I praise You and I thank You so much for all You are working and doing. I bless You Abba, I bless You! 

2 Corinthians 4:3-4 And even if our gospel is veiled, it is veiled to those who are perishing, in whose case the god of this world has blinded the minds of the unbelieving so that they might not see the light of the gospel of the glory of Christ, who is the image of God.

And so, Beloved ones in whom God loves, loves, loves. Let us continue to forgive and release people to Jesus for judgment and to change them, and no longer hold them  in bitterness and offense. Repent if needed and listen to the Robinson's - KEEP MOVING FORWARD into love!!!!